


>Past Karkat: Teach your alien boyfriend how to pap.

by nuclearwinter, orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Meteorstuck, Pale Porn, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Quadrant Vacillation, Shoosh-Papping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 15:23:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7646497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuclearwinter/pseuds/nuclearwinter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat shoves his self-consciousness aside and does his best to introduce Dave to how things go down in a pile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	>Past Karkat: Teach your alien boyfriend how to pap.

So, unlike Kanaya and Rose, who are very definitely giving the whole troll romance thing their best, you are finding that it’s so much easier and more natural to do things in a more human way, which to you basically means being nearly scandalously indulgent.

If you want to kiss your '''boyfriend''' you can!

If you want to cuddle him and tell him to knock off his shit, you can!

If you want to wrestle him and bite him, you can!

You don’t have to worry about being improper or coming off wrong. Well, you do, in a cross-cultural sort of way, and also in an interpersonal Dave-specific way, but somehow that's still weirdly easier than you had ever found navigating quadrants. You understand quadrants very very well; your own feelings, not so much.

The best part of all of it is that somehow Dave trusts you. Dave does not trust easily, and having him open up under you makes your feelings do all sorts of messy things.

The only true hard part is that sometimes the stuff Dave does and says gets you so worked up, and you want to pap the boy for real… but humans just don’t… get it. They get the emotional stuff, and you’ve seen Dave — one time — blissed out and floaty after crying for hours over something incredibly private he’d been sharing, so you know they do… get… like that. But it just doesn’t seem to work the same. And they don’t seem to... release... the same. Aliens man.

What this leads to is one day you are papping yourself in your block, watching one of your favorite videos. It’s hemoanonymous, all shot in black and white. One troll is ''trapped under debris'' and her moirail is calming her down. It’s all so desperate and sweet and it gets you every time. You have your headphones in and are so absorbed in the dialogue as the trapped girl vents her fears and the other tells her how strong she is, how brave, help is coming — pap pap pap — that you jump out of your skin with a shriek when you realise Dave had entered the block at some point and is boggling at you.

KARKAT: FUUUUUUCK!!!  
DAVE: uh!! sorry!! i just uh  
KARKAT: WHAT THE BULGESPLITTING FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING CREEPING AROUND IN MY BLOCK???  
DAVE: i didnt creep dude i just—what were you even doing?

You go bright red. Dave stares at you, then his face goes kind of hurt.

DAVE: shit dude  
DAVE: were you jacking it  
DAVE: im so sorry  
DAVE: oh fuck ive been doing it like 100% wrong this entire time  
DAVE: i feel like a major league donkey ass  
DAVE: god dude i am so sorry  
DAVE: have you not uh have you  
DAVE: i cant even finish this im gonna die  
KARKAT: DON’T FINISH IT!!  
KARKAT: YOU ARE WRONG!! YOU ARE SO FUCKING WRONG ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON THAT IT’S CAUSING ME ACTUAL PHYSICAL PAIN AND WE NEED TO *STOOOOOOPPPP*!!!!!

And then you finally have to tell Dave how piling works when you take it past first base.

=>

That evening you kneel facing each other on Dave’s bed. You figure this is a good cultural intermediary, maybe a little less intimidating to him than an actual pile, at least for now.

DAVE: i dont know if i can do this man  
KARKAT: YOU DON’T HAVE TO.

But, Dave sets his jaw.

KARKAT: ALL RIGHT, WELL. THIS IS PRETTY MUCH TEXTBOOK STANDARD STUFF.  
KARKAT: ALL ABOUT BUILDING TRUST WITH YOUR PARTNER.  
KARKAT: SO I DO… MYSELF, AND YOU DO IT TOO AND WE LIKE. JUST, EXPERIENCE IT TOGETHER LIKE A HEALTHY—STOP FUCKING LAUGHING YOU PONDWEED!

Dave is giggling annoyingly, but it’s obviously because he’s nervous, so you let it go.

DAVE: well i dont know how to do myself  
DAVE: i guess ill copy you  
DAVE: but im letting you know in advance im pretty sure its not going to do anything for me  
KARKAT: I KNOW. BUT UH, AT THE VERY LEAST I’LL ENJOY THE VISUAL, SO…

This makes Dave smirk, and you regret saying it a little, but you also feel… a little weird. Pale, attractive, and okay with embarrassing flirty things.

DAVE: well lucky for you this is prime beef irony  
DAVE: here i was all worked up about whether i could handle gay stuff and my boyfriend just wants me to pat my head in front of him  
DAVE: its like so legit no homo  
KARKAT: IT’S SUPER HOMO YOU INSENSITIVE NOOKRAG!!!  
DAVE: sure sure

You breathe. This is actually perfect. You start in on that topic: tell Dave he’s being an ass and his ‘’’no homo’’’ discourse makes you angry, and soon Dave is rambling an apology that’s lost in the clinging insecurities he’s still not letting go of, and the two of you work further into it.

Soon it flips back onto you, onto your insecurities, that Dave doesn’t trust you enough, isn’t comfortable with you because you’re not good enough. And that’s when you start papping yourself, rubbing at your own face, letting your other hand creep into your hair to find your hornbed.

Dave watches, which makes you feel weird but good. Floaty.

DAVE: dude youre being so paranoid i care about you tonnes  
DAVE: i wouldnt be here doing this alien stuff if i didnt

You watch transfixed as Dave sort of awkwardly slides his own hands up and rubs at his cheekbones. He kind of snortlaughs at himself self-consciously.

DAVE: i dont have horns bro  
KARKAT: KEEP TALKING.  
DAVE: uhh  
DAVE: i guess you were right this does feel pretty gay

He goes into a ramble about how absolutely gay for you he is, and why you should stop worrying so much. You pap at your own jaw, cheek, forehead, and watch Dave hesitantly doing the same.

KARKAT: DO WHAT FEELS NICE.  
KARKAT: YOU DON’T HAVE TO MIRROR ME.  
DAVE: idk what feels nice  
KARKAT: WELL, WHAT DO YOU LIKE WHEN PEOPLE TOUCH YOU?  
KARKAT: I’VE SEEN ENOUGH HUMAN SHIT TO KNOW YOU APES PET EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME.  
DAVE: ummm  
DAVE: idk i havent really been petted  
DAVE: extensively  
DAVE: youre kinda the first  
DAVE: and we haven't done it all that much so idk  
KARKAT: …  
KARKAT: CLOSE YOUR EYES.

You are so relaxed you’re having trouble staying kneeling.

KARKAT: UM. AND LIE DOWN.

Dave does, easily. He doesn't seem all that affected.

You lie on your sides, facing each other.

KARKAT: OK.  
KARKAT: JUST… CLOSE YOUR EYES AND TOUCH YOURSELF. FIGURE OUT WHAT FEELS COMFORTING I GUESS.

He does close his eyes, but you can feel him tense up, and you know why. Aside from verbal diarrhea, Dave doesnt have nervous tics. He doesn’t have compulsions or security blanket behavior. He was trained viciously to remain poker faced; that’s his tell.

So you tell him he’s okay, tell him it’s okay to feel nice, to make himself feel nice. He snorts again, eyes still shut.

KARKAT: NOT LIKE THAT!!  
KARKAT: IT’S OKAY TO BE COMFORTABLE.  
KARKAT: IT’S OKAY TO RELAX. IT’S OKAY TO ENJOY BEING YOU, BEING IN YOUR OWN SKIN.

Dave sighs a little. He slips one hand through his hair, combs it until he is skritching slowly at the base of his own skull. He rubs his own cheekbone with the other, trails it down, traces his own mouth. Fucking humans. They make everything sexual like 50% pale, now they make pale stuff sexual?? But it seems like Dave is just touching his own mouth without intent.

You keep talking, and the sight of Dave so… comfortable and open next to you… well, it pushes you over, your brain descending into fuzz and static. 

When you get your wits back, Dave is clinging to you.

DAVE: what the fuck dude

You blink, extremely laid out.

DAVE: dude  
DAVE: duuude  
KARKAT: WHAT.  
DAVE: youre like alive right  
KARKAT: YES…  
DAVE: oh man you told me that would happen but i didnt…

You shoosh him for real, and pet his hair the way you deduced he must like.

KARKAT: I’M GOOD. IT’S ALL GOOD, CALM DOWN.  
DAVE: i dont like it  
DAVE: i dont like you going weird places

You are too high to feel weird about that.

KARKAT: WELL I FEEL AMAZING AND IT’S THANKS TO YOU, SO YOU SHOULD BE FEELING ACCOMPLISHED.  
DAVE: you do  
KARKAT: YEAH. I, UH. THAT WAS MY FIRST TIME. DOING THAT WITH SOMEONE. THANKS.  
DAVE: oh uh   
KARKAT: CAN WE JUST STAY LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE?  
DAVE: yeah yeah sure

He rambles something about how the weirdest boner in paradox space died after the whole random passing out thing anyway. You are 99% sure Dave doesnt know he’s talking out loud, so you don’t comment on the boner thing and kiss at his face lazily. You lick at his closed lips, and nuzzle your faces together until he kisses your nub, face as hot as yours.

(You pap yourself again later to the mental image of Dave, and edit in horns cause fuck off it’s your fantasy.)


End file.
